Don't *should* yourself

Don't Should Yourself

I've been doing a LOT of thought mapping and labeling lately.  Turns out I "should" myself ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME! 

I wrote in my journal for a while this morning and wrote page after page of "shoulds" I put on myself.  These requirements are not realistic and yet I let them rule my life.  They are difficult to diffuse but I'm working on it.  

The biggest overarching theme that I see is that "This shouldn't be my life."  

Well guess what? It is. 

I do NOT live the fairy tale I thought I would have. 

Yes, I have a myriad of things that I am grateful for and are wonderful in my life.  

But I am still coming to terms with what this means.

I don't have to let all the MUCK be what defines me, what defines MY LIFE.

YOLO

Carpe Diem Millenial Style.  (You Only Live Once)

And I WANT to live LOUD. I want to live free of fear and "should".

I'm not there yet- but I'm working on it.  Here's a good reminder: 

It's My Life

This ain’t a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith-departed
I ain’t gonna be just a face in the crowd
You’re gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud

It’s my life
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I’m alive
It’s my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow’s getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain’t even lucky
Got to make your own breaks

It’s my life
And it’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I’m alive
'Cause it's my life

Better stand tall when they’re calling you out
Don’t bend, don’t break, baby, don’t back down

It’s my life
And it’s now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I’m alive

It’s my life
And it’s now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I’m alive
'Cause it's my life!

Work Your Own Program

After the healing high of The Togetherness Project I came back to real life and let life get back in the way. I let myself get distracted with my husband's recovery. I let my worries and judgements of others seemingly judging me get in the way of BEING ME and Working my own program.  Thank goodness my counselor was able to help point me straight again. (Not that it was easy-I hate seeing that I'm turned 180 degrees when I thought I was only a few off--no wonder I was headed in the wrong direction...) So I'm trying to work MY program as prescribed by ME, what speaks to my heart and soul.

And I just found this new artist that I *LOVE*: mikaela kahn Some people describe her as the next Sara Bareilles. Which is lovely.