Pack Light

I have a feed-my-soul trip coming up and the advice I was given was to "Pack Light". 

So I'm going to see what I can do in the way of packing light.

I am usually one who likes to pack like the woman in the second picture.

TOO MUCH STUFF. 

I have a hard time getting past the "what if" and not bringing the kitchen sink. 

This time- I'm taking it as it comes. 

Whatever that means. 

It's new for me.

But I'm excited at the sheer possibilities that can come from not being weighed down physically and emotionally with so much STUFF.

Stalled

I'm hitting a block right now and not so sure how to go about getting around it.  I kind of want to avoid it but have this fear that if I do I'll end up crashing.  Like when an airplane stalls- you have to do SOMETHING or you'll crash.  

In looking for a picture for the blog I came across this article about EXPLORING the Stall. I found a couple of things particularly interesting.

A stall is a normal reaction of a plane based on wing something or other.  He explained it "In training, I sometimes use the metaphor of ice formation: water freezes, under normal conditions, at 0º C. At 0.1º C, water is not frozen. It is the same with the stall. Below the critical angle of attack, the wing is not stalled. Above the critical angle, the wing stalls."

It's normal. It happens. Good to know.

With any aircraft, however, it is very important to know well the symptoms of an approaching stall so we can make positive decisions on how to proceed. ...

It’s like knowing, in the dark, where the edge of the stairs are at home. If you know exactly where the edge is you can approach it with confidence; if you are unsure, you may well step over by mistake and find yourself in deep, deep trouble.

I'm learning my own symptoms of my stalls: trying to keep busy- distract my mind, irritation, physical avoidance (I can NOT think while being touched by anyone), preoccupation with what is bothering me yet not wanting to deal with it (Denial!) 

Practicing stalls so you can learn, understand and know the stall characteristics of your aircraft will give you a sense of control and security. You will know where the edge is and will be able to approach it with confidence. You will know the symptoms of the approaching stall and know how and when to modify your inputs to either produce or avoid the stall as required.

Your landings will improve, your flying will improve and your sense of your own knowledge and skills will boost your confidence.

All things I want more of right now. 

The basic stall is a simple yet elegant and important procedure. If you’re not completely comfortable with stalls, now is an excellent time to find whatever assistance you may need to develop a positive relationship with the maneuver You’ll be glad you did.

So what do I do if I'm mid-stall and haven't practiced?  

Time for a Time Out?  Hmm... 

I Take That Back.

I'm not an addict. Or a co-dependent.  The terminology is so new and there are conflicting ideas.  I'm not either of those.  I have experienced TRAUMA.  THAT is what my symptoms are.  Why I feel like I'm going crazy.  Why I feel like I should trust but can't. Not yet. Not right now. But I do have hope that it will come.  Some fear that it won't.  But I'm doing what I can for ME. And it's hard to let go that I can't control him.

From the First Addo Recovery lesson:

Emotional ups and downs are expected, and the paradoxical experience of anger coupled with a desire to connect, is common. These feelings create confusion and pain, resulting in polarized emotions, possibly making you feel out of control at times.

Bingo.

I'm not crazy.
I'm traumatized.

This first lesson was big for me.  I know I'm not alone in this battle but I didn't understand that my response is actually what the majority of women feel like.  I'm normal.

This all brings out a lot of issues for me and the biggest one I see right now is Boundaries.  I need boundaries to keep myself safe.  I can trust my husband when he shows me trustworthy behavior.  And I still need to have boundaries in place while I don't feel emotionally safe.  Now how to go about that? I'm not totally sure. In the past my natural response has been to simply say NO when I don't want to do something for whatever reason.  Kissing. Sex. Other.  I haven't always been stalwart on maintaining that NO.  And then I am hurt that I let myself down.  But I need CLEAR definitive boundaries with natural consequences.  They are not punishments for him (though it might feel like that).  They are safeguards for ME.  And that's how I have to look at it.  My healing is about ME not him.  He's in charge of his healing and I can't make him do anything.  Which is hard for me.  I like to control.  So I'm letting it go and working on me.  Because that's all I can do.