Keep Thou My Feet

A Sunday morning of pondering.

I woke up early and couldn't calm my mind.

So I went for a walk in the dawn.  It was beautiful and calming.  But coming home my mind was still unsettled.

And I keep thinking of this song.

So I'll share it with you.  I have always loved this song.

"Keep thou my feet, I do not ask to see the distant scene, one step enough for me."

I DO want to see the distant scene.  But for now I will trust in the NEXT right thing.

I have many friends whose hearts are hurting right now.  My heart is unsettled.  Trying to find my way in this life that is turning out different than I imagined.

I have to remind myself that different doesn't equal bad.

And to trust is My God.


 

Lyrics

1. 1. Lead, kindly Light, amid th'encircling gloom;
   Lead thou me on!
   The night is dark, and I am far from home;
   Lead thou me on!
   Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
   The distant scene--one step enough for me.
2. 2. I was not ever thus, nor pray'd that thou
   Shouldst lead me on.
   I loved to choose and see my path; but now,
   Lead thou me on!
   I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
   Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.
3. 3. So long thy pow'r hath blest me, sure it still
   Will lead me on
   O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
   The night is gone.
   And with the morn those angel faces smile,
   Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!
4. Text: John Henry Newman, 1801-1890
   Music: John B. Dykes, 1823-1876

Volkswagon Cathedrals

He's heard *my* prayers in a car.  Some of my most profound moments have been while driving.  Some even causing me to pull over until it is safe to drive again.  I'm grateful for my little stained glass sanctuaries over the years. I wish I could post the music for you or play it myself  but here are the lyrics to a song that sticks with me. 

		(photo from Caleb Kraft)

Prayers in a Car (Cherie Call) I was in a car sitting with my mother A couple miles from home at a store just down the street And I was getting restless Cause nothing seemed to happen when she turned the key That's when she turned to look at me And she said, "Darling we can get home soon But there's only one way that that can be" There was no place to kneel but she knew that God would hear If we closed our eyes and said a prayer No sooner was it done when the engine turned right over That's when I learned His love is never far He heard my prayers in a car I was in that car Fifteen years later Driving home from work when I got turned around And I started feeling restless when I found myself on the wrong side of town That's when a prayer came to my mind And I told my Father all about my day till I started seeing familiar signs And I couldn't close my eyes But I told Him of my home And somehow He led me safely there In the middle of the night on unfamiliar highways I knew His love was never far He heard my prayers in a car And I can't count the times When I would just get in that car and drive Trying to sort things out Or just forget some pair of deep blue eyes And I've pulled to the side to whisper prayers while cars sped past And for a moment those tinted windows were stained glass And I'm pretty sure That God is no respecter of the makes and models of cars where people pray They could be Volkswagons, eighteen wheelers or Cheverolets Cause every time His children are in need He will hear the words they whisper No matter where they might be And every chance I get I will try to show my honor By getting on my knees every time I pray But even when I can't my heart still cries out And I know His love is never far He's heard my prayers in a car

Copyright 2002 Cherie Call, all rights reserved

Ready....Aim.....

Arrows have to be pulled back before they can fly. 

Most of the time I think that I am the Great Archer- deciding where to shoot and adjusting my aim. But I think I'm really the arrow. In the hands of the Great Archer (God) I can be a valuable resource in the fight against evil. In the fight for love and goodness and compassion for one another.  (Think: Cupid)

A dear friend sent me an arrow pendant with this reminder that when we feel like we are being pulled back we are getting ready to be launched.  That has stuck with me and I've felt it so much recently. Pulled back by all sorts of different things.  I also feel the anticipation of flight.  That I am headed in a direction, but I don't know what one yet.  I'm excited and scared to see where I'm headed.  To see what good I can do.  To see what difference I can make.  It might be in the walls of my home- or it might reach farther than that- but where ever I am meant to make a difference I feel it. I'm ready.  Aim.  LOOSE! (Because "fire" was not said until firearms...)

Huff Puff

I'm really looking forward to meeting with my therapist tomorrow.  (Never thought I'd say that.)  I haven't made as much progress this week as I would have liked but I'm still here.  I'm still trying.  That counts.  I can't weed out all the dandelions in one go.

I'm also looking forward to my Mom's visit for Christmas.  Remember when I was scared?  It's still new and new is often scary.  But the genuine love and concern from my Mom is a life jacket when I'm lost at sea.

I still want to run. I still want to hide.  Wish the pain away instead of leaning into it.  I've tried it.  Doesn't work so well.  I end up crumpled in front of the fireplace waiting for a miracle.

I do see miracles all around me.

I am blessed beyond my capacity to truly comprehend.

And yet.

I yearn for something more.  I know in the 12 step groups one of the biggest things is letting things go.  Letting Go and Letting God.  Recognizing what I can control and what I cannot. I find that it is easy to say and very hard to do.  If I let go what if I get hurt again?

To which I hear Wolf from The 10th Kingdom say, "Well, maybe you won't get hurt. But, huff-puff, you won't get loved either."

It's been a long day.  And I am grateful, SO grateful, for new friends I have found along this way.
Sorry there's not much more to the post.  I don't have much to offer at the moment.
This is my reality.