Stalled

I'm hitting a block right now and not so sure how to go about getting around it.  I kind of want to avoid it but have this fear that if I do I'll end up crashing.  Like when an airplane stalls- you have to do SOMETHING or you'll crash.  

In looking for a picture for the blog I came across this article about EXPLORING the Stall. I found a couple of things particularly interesting.

A stall is a normal reaction of a plane based on wing something or other.  He explained it "In training, I sometimes use the metaphor of ice formation: water freezes, under normal conditions, at 0º C. At 0.1º C, water is not frozen. It is the same with the stall. Below the critical angle of attack, the wing is not stalled. Above the critical angle, the wing stalls."

It's normal. It happens. Good to know.

With any aircraft, however, it is very important to know well the symptoms of an approaching stall so we can make positive decisions on how to proceed. ...

It’s like knowing, in the dark, where the edge of the stairs are at home. If you know exactly where the edge is you can approach it with confidence; if you are unsure, you may well step over by mistake and find yourself in deep, deep trouble.

I'm learning my own symptoms of my stalls: trying to keep busy- distract my mind, irritation, physical avoidance (I can NOT think while being touched by anyone), preoccupation with what is bothering me yet not wanting to deal with it (Denial!) 

Practicing stalls so you can learn, understand and know the stall characteristics of your aircraft will give you a sense of control and security. You will know where the edge is and will be able to approach it with confidence. You will know the symptoms of the approaching stall and know how and when to modify your inputs to either produce or avoid the stall as required.

Your landings will improve, your flying will improve and your sense of your own knowledge and skills will boost your confidence.

All things I want more of right now. 

The basic stall is a simple yet elegant and important procedure. If you’re not completely comfortable with stalls, now is an excellent time to find whatever assistance you may need to develop a positive relationship with the maneuver You’ll be glad you did.

So what do I do if I'm mid-stall and haven't practiced?  

Time for a Time Out?  Hmm... 

Change it up.

Reading blog posts of other WoPA is comforting and inspiring and exhausting.

I had a good weekend. Connected more with my husband- got some REAL responses from him.

Lots of spiritual uplift and encouragement.

Some frank discussions about boundaries.

And yet I'm still feeling numb.  

This blog post about Dead Hearts and Resurrection  hits close to home.  Right now I'm struggling because I want SO BADLY to work on MY healing and recovery.  But I find it near impossible when I don't even have a quiet moment to THINK.

There is no such thing as quiet at our house.  3 boys.  If by chance it is quiet, you'd better investigate because there are big things going down.  I don't sleep well. I can't remember a time when I did.  I have physical pain a lot that I feel is directly liked to my emotional ailments.

Poignant lesson from my crying (*more whine than cry) 4year old.
Mom: What's wrong?
4year old: I just keep getting hurt.
Mom: Then do something different.


Let's reverse it for a minute.
God: What's wrong?
Crying Me: I just keep getting hurt.
God: Then do something different.


My thoughts are jumbled. My children just escaped out the back door in their PJs.  I'm tired, and lonely, and sad.  I don't know HOW to find the energy/strength/courage to do something different.  Or what that different would be.  I would really like to take a step away from parenting so I can work on me and be a better parent.  Because survival mode is important in a crisis- but life lived in crisis makes four a lousy life.  I KNOW I am robbing my kids of a mom who is there. With it.  Who genuinely cares.  (I care, but not like I should.) I am robbing myself of life. I'd like to say I'm robbing my husband of a loving caring spouse, but I already feel like *I* am the one that lost that.

I need my Mom.  Which is hard.  Because I haven't told her yet.  I don't know how.

This weekend was mostly a nice change of pace.  I had my husband home.  I had inspiring talks to listen to. We visited with family and I still felt largely like an impostor because I can't tell them of my hurt.  I don't trust them.  I find there are few (if any) who I do trust these days.

Ugh. Not in a good place.  I HATE this emotional rollercoaster!

A good reminder.