Not going to break me

I found this song today. Excellent timing universe.  I needed this:



Crista Wells
"This Thing Is Not Going To Break You"

You could not plan for this
No, there was no silhouette
Up against the pink horizon
To warn you of the hit
But you absorbed it all with grace
Like a child you spoke of faith unmoved
That holds onto you

This thing is going to try to break you
But it doesn’t have to
You’re showing us how
This thing is going to bend and shape you
But He won’t let it take you
You know it somehow
This thing is not going to break you

You  could take your loss
You could hide away from us
With your grief lassoed around you
But you’re laying it in the sun
And you stare straight into the light
You say you’d rather go blind than look away
What can I say?

This thing is going to try to break you
But it doesn’t have to
You’re showing us how
This thing is going to bend and shape you
But He won’t let it take you
You know it somehow
This thing is not going to break you
This thing is not going to break you
This thing is not going to break you

A Worthy Cause

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Tortoise in a Hare's world.

Winter months.

Sickness travels.

My body is telling me to slow down. 

Walk.

Sit.

Be.

When inside I feel the urge to run from things I can't hide from.  The ugly parts of me that I don't want to own. 

I think it is no coincidence that it all comes at a time when I have stated out loud my desire to be healthier.  Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. And I think that I'm learning that to do this is a LONG process.  Not over in a day.  My counselor suggests that when we train for a marathon it is long hard work that can't be done in a single try.  

This is not what I expected. 

I imagined getting/being healthy would look like cute workout clothes and ENERGY! Lots of energy to Go and Do and CONQUER! And I'm finding the mental/emotional battle is HARD.  

EXHAUSTING.

My body is exhausted.

So I'm trying to slow down. 

Not just "take care of me" but to truly Care FOR me. 

This morning I started with a visit to the eye doctor.  I've been to the chiropractor, hospital for x-rays of my back, medical doctor for body, counselor for mind, and some wise authors for spirit.  I AM taking charge of my life.

I just had no idea it would be this exhausting.

(Not to mention raising 3 boys and working to build a healthy relationship with my husband...) 

Just reading all of that reminds me that it is a LOT of work and that I have every right to be exhausted.  

So here's to naptime! May it come swiftly and without anger.