Prone to Wander

I was sitting in a beautifully paneled office today doing my warm up exercises while waiting for the chiropractor.  Over the speakers I heard this gorgeous instrumental music.  I gulped down the lump in my throat and blinked away the tears.  It was a song I know well.  As the music played I heard the words in my head and felt them in my heart.

Come Thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy, never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise

Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above
Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it
Mount of Thy redeeming love

Here I raise my Ebenezer
Here by Thy great help I've come
And I hope by Thy good pleasure
Safely to arrive at home

Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the throne of God
He to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood

Oh, to grace how great a debtor
Daily Im constrained to be
Let that grace now, like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Heres my heart, oh, take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above

Come Thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy, never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise

Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above
Praise the mount, Im fixed upon it
Mount of Thy unchanging love

***

I miss worshiping with those I love.  

I miss the divine and sacred experiences of being wholly (and thus holy) with others. 

It's not gone from my life forever. In fact, I think I have had more holy and sacred experience since I have decided to live wholly. But I felt the longing, the yearning today.  

And that's ok. 

And because that's ok I can see that I am making progress.

I *love* this version. 

Simple. 

Pure.

Keep Thou My Feet

A Sunday morning of pondering.

I woke up early and couldn't calm my mind.

So I went for a walk in the dawn.  It was beautiful and calming.  But coming home my mind was still unsettled.

And I keep thinking of this song.

So I'll share it with you.  I have always loved this song.

"Keep thou my feet, I do not ask to see the distant scene, one step enough for me."

I DO want to see the distant scene.  But for now I will trust in the NEXT right thing.

I have many friends whose hearts are hurting right now.  My heart is unsettled.  Trying to find my way in this life that is turning out different than I imagined.

I have to remind myself that different doesn't equal bad.

And to trust is My God.


 

Lyrics

1. 1. Lead, kindly Light, amid th'encircling gloom;
   Lead thou me on!
   The night is dark, and I am far from home;
   Lead thou me on!
   Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
   The distant scene--one step enough for me.
2. 2. I was not ever thus, nor pray'd that thou
   Shouldst lead me on.
   I loved to choose and see my path; but now,
   Lead thou me on!
   I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
   Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.
3. 3. So long thy pow'r hath blest me, sure it still
   Will lead me on
   O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
   The night is gone.
   And with the morn those angel faces smile,
   Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!
4. Text: John Henry Newman, 1801-1890
   Music: John B. Dykes, 1823-1876

Where Can I Turn for Peace?

My heart is heavy with many worries and burdens.  They may not always be worries or burdens but right now they are.  I feel weighed down.  I feel unrest.

My husband's journey is his own but it affects mine greatly.  I'm trying to figure out what all of that means.  It's difficult to sort.  It hurts to think about.  It's extremely exhausting.

There were tidbits of answers to prayers.

To know I'm not forgotten.

To salve my wounded heart.

This song came to mind for a friend this morning and has remained with me all day.  Looks like I needed it too.

The song begins at :35 seconds. The BYU women's choir sang this in honor of a soldier killed in the line of duty.

I know not everyone is into choral music.  But there is something about these women, these sisters joining together to ask "is there no balm in Gilead?" that touches my heart.

Maybe it will touch yours too.


Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.


Text: Emma Lou Thayne, b. 1924. (c) 1973 IRI
Music: Joleen G. Meredith, b. 1935. (c) 1973 IRI