Closing doors

"Sometimes it is BRAVE to close your doors."

 -April Day aka Scabs <3

This ^ 

So much THIS^^

This picture brings me such joy. It is saturated with LOVE.

The flowers were a timely reminder that I am loved that came at a low point from dear friends who knew I needed a little pick-me-up.  I love flowers.  I love roses.  I love bright colors.  There is something to me about fresh REAL flowers that remind me to take a moment and enjoy the beauty because it won’t last forever.  I had the sense of mind to also take this photo so I could recall that wisdom at other needed times.

 

The butterflies remind me that “Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she woke up and found she had wings.”  Butterflies have since become a motif in my life.  If I were to ever get a tattoo it would be a butterfly.  (But ew- I hate needles…)

In the background is a collage of pictures from Camp. Camp changed my life.  I can’t point to one particular moment, because it was a collection of things. So many things. Like the money from a generous donor that made my scholarship possible so I could go.  My heart is touched by this self-proclaimed “baller” and I look for little ways to pay it forward.  The women that gathered at a cabin in the snowy mountains became my sisters.  Soul cleansing Yoga. “Leave it on the mat.”  Bizzare Pictionary to break the ice (and boy did that ice BREAK!).  Lovingly prepared food. Standing barefoot in the snow to solidify our sisterhood. So much beauty. I want to do it all again. Every year.

The necklace I wear most days is my reminder to Kill My Own Buffalo and Be BRAVE.  Which has double meaning to me:  You see, my good friend, Buffalo Gal was my light in the darkness.  At the bottom of the well she showed me I wasn’t alone.  I didn’t know her at the time that I found her blog.  But I have come to know her and love her dearly and am better for her presence in my life. (And I’m writing this at work and tearing up guys, good thing we’re slow tonight.) Someday we will be sitting by the lake, sipping lemonade and letting our boys run wild together.  I look forward to this.  So much. 

My ringtone is Sara Barellis’s “Brave”.

Which brings me full circle. To Scab’s quote that sometimes it is BRAVE to close our doors.  To pull our kids from activities, to say NO, to be KIND to ourselves. 

Every time I say “No” to someone or something I am also saying “YES” to someone or something else.

So today I did something BRAVE.

I deactivated my Facebook account.  I need some time and space from the opinions of others so I can hear myself. Because I MATTER.