Closing doors

"Sometimes it is BRAVE to close your doors."

 -April Day aka Scabs <3

This ^ 

So much THIS^^

This picture brings me such joy. It is saturated with LOVE.

The flowers were a timely reminder that I am loved that came at a low point from dear friends who knew I needed a little pick-me-up.  I love flowers.  I love roses.  I love bright colors.  There is something to me about fresh REAL flowers that remind me to take a moment and enjoy the beauty because it won’t last forever.  I had the sense of mind to also take this photo so I could recall that wisdom at other needed times.

 

The butterflies remind me that “Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she woke up and found she had wings.”  Butterflies have since become a motif in my life.  If I were to ever get a tattoo it would be a butterfly.  (But ew- I hate needles…)

In the background is a collage of pictures from Camp. Camp changed my life.  I can’t point to one particular moment, because it was a collection of things. So many things. Like the money from a generous donor that made my scholarship possible so I could go.  My heart is touched by this self-proclaimed “baller” and I look for little ways to pay it forward.  The women that gathered at a cabin in the snowy mountains became my sisters.  Soul cleansing Yoga. “Leave it on the mat.”  Bizzare Pictionary to break the ice (and boy did that ice BREAK!).  Lovingly prepared food. Standing barefoot in the snow to solidify our sisterhood. So much beauty. I want to do it all again. Every year.

The necklace I wear most days is my reminder to Kill My Own Buffalo and Be BRAVE.  Which has double meaning to me:  You see, my good friend, Buffalo Gal was my light in the darkness.  At the bottom of the well she showed me I wasn’t alone.  I didn’t know her at the time that I found her blog.  But I have come to know her and love her dearly and am better for her presence in my life. (And I’m writing this at work and tearing up guys, good thing we’re slow tonight.) Someday we will be sitting by the lake, sipping lemonade and letting our boys run wild together.  I look forward to this.  So much. 

My ringtone is Sara Barellis’s “Brave”.

Which brings me full circle. To Scab’s quote that sometimes it is BRAVE to close our doors.  To pull our kids from activities, to say NO, to be KIND to ourselves. 

Every time I say “No” to someone or something I am also saying “YES” to someone or something else.

So today I did something BRAVE.

I deactivated my Facebook account.  I need some time and space from the opinions of others so I can hear myself. Because I MATTER.  

I'm gonna love myself

I'm not looking to leave.
In fact, things are going well.
We found a good marriage therapist who seems to fit the bill and for that I am grateful.
I LOVE Jewel's song about loving myself and being stronger FOR ME because I struggle with that.  I can be strong in lots of situations but often at my own expense.  Now it's my turn.
Got my new Yoga Socks in the mail today.

Change is in the wind friends.
Smells wonderful.  

I guess you could say I'm one of those girls
That's always been with one of those guys
You know the type
Like right now, he sleeps while I write

But it's better than crying
I'm worn out from trying
From loving a man who always makes it clear
I'm not welcome here
Just when he's hungry or frisky
or needs something cleaned
And you know what I mean

But not tonight
'Cause come the morning light, oh
I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
The stronger woman in me

I'm going to be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no,
'Cause there's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman in me

Light bulbs buzz,
I get up
And head to my drawer
I wish there was more
I could say
Another fairytale fades to gray
I've lived on hope
Just like a child
Walking that mile
Faking that smile
All the while
Wishing my heart had wings

Well from now on I'm going to be
The kind of woman I'd want my daughter to be, oh

I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
A stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
I won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman

This is me, packing up my bags
And this is me, headed for the door
And this is me, the best you ever had
I'm going to love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me even if someone cannot see
There's a stronger woman in me
I'm going to be my own best friend
Stay with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman
A stronger woman
There's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman in me,
Yeah...

Like a truck in the mud...

I'm stuck.

I'm in what my counselor calls my "identity mode".  Meaning my mind runs and runs and runs a narrative that is not healthy or real. Identity mode is real.  I can tell because of the body tension.  It makes me physically ache and physically ill.

There are ways to get out of it.
Bridging.
Mapping.
Meditation- recognizing the thoughts and letting them go.

This last week has been hard.  Yesterday was even harder.

I reached out yesterday.
I was vulnerable with a friend and exposed my raw heart to her.

It was such a relief to have another person I don't have to HIDE from.

And she shared a sacred place with me.  It was a great day.

But I'm sad about the state of my heart.  I want to be healed.  I want LIFE to stop throwing daggers.

So I'm stuck.

Running my internal tapes.
And I recognize that.

Which is important.
But hard to get out of.
Typing helps.  The clacking of the keys is soothing.
And my "Chakra Balancing Radio" station on Pandora helps.

How do those who don't believe in a higher power or God heal?

And now I'm stuck in his recovery.
Which I recognize is not for me.
BUT it does matter to me. And it DOES affect me.

Painting Hope

I painted this on my wall last night.

I woke up to it this morning.  

It is the perfect reminder I need to not give up. 

There is always hope.

Maybe not that things will turn out picture perfect the way *I* want- but that I can survive. 

And so can you.

Maybe one day even fly.

Which of course brings THIS song to mind:

One Day I'll Fly Away 

From the Movie Moulin Rouge

(My apologies for any triggers this may cause...)

[Satine:]
I follow the night
Can't stand the light
When will I begin to live again

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could your love do for me
When will love be through with me
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends
One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Fly fly away...

Can't get it out of my head/heart

I know I've posted Human before.  I can't get it out of my head.

And Say Something is one I can't get out of my heart. (I love Pentatonix!)



Life is so very hard right now.

My counselor keeps reminding me that you can't train for a marathon in one go.  It takes time and dedication and LOTS of work and sweat (and maybe even a few curse words along the way).

I have to be reminded of that often because I want it all to be better now.

But like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, I think it's going to get darker before it gets lighter.

Lyrics: Say Something
"Say Something"

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere I would've followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something...

What We Are...

I was listening to a CD this morning and when this song came on I just stopped.  Dead in my tracks.  I sat down in my rocking chair, closed my eyes, and listened:



"What You Are"

I’m driving around town
Kinda bored with the windows rolled down
See a girl on the bus stop bench
Dressed to draw attention

Hoping everyone will stare
If she don’t stand out she thinks she’ll disappear
Wish I could hold her, tell her, show her
What she wants is already there

A star is a star
It doesn’t have to try to shine
Water will fall
A bird just knows how to fly

You don’t have to tell a flower how to bloom
Or light how to fill up a room
You already are what you are
And what you are is beautiful

Heard a story the other day
Took place at the local VA
A father talking to his dying son
This was his conversation

“It’s not supposed to be like this
You can’t go first I can’t handle it”
The boy said “Dad now don’t you cry,
Remember when I was a child what you used to tell me when I’d ask why?”

(You’d say) Gravity is gravity
It doesn’t try to pull you down
Stone is stone
It can’t help but hold its ground

The wind just blows, though you can’t see
It’s everywhere like I’ll always be
You already are what you are
And what you are is strong enough
Look in the mirror
Now that’s another story to tell
I give love to others
But I give myself hell

I’d have to tell myself
“In every scene there’s a perfect plan”
Everything I hoped to be
I already am
A flower is a flower
It doesn’t have to try to bloom
And light is light
Just knows how to fill a room

And dark is dark
So the stars have a place to shine
The tide goes out
So it can come back another time

Goodbye makes a love so sweet
And love is love so it can teach us
We already are what we are
And what we are is beautiful

And strong enough

And good enough

And bright enough

Don't *should* yourself

Don't Should Yourself

I've been doing a LOT of thought mapping and labeling lately.  Turns out I "should" myself ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME! 

I wrote in my journal for a while this morning and wrote page after page of "shoulds" I put on myself.  These requirements are not realistic and yet I let them rule my life.  They are difficult to diffuse but I'm working on it.  

The biggest overarching theme that I see is that "This shouldn't be my life."  

Well guess what? It is. 

I do NOT live the fairy tale I thought I would have. 

Yes, I have a myriad of things that I am grateful for and are wonderful in my life.  

But I am still coming to terms with what this means.

I don't have to let all the MUCK be what defines me, what defines MY LIFE.

YOLO

Carpe Diem Millenial Style.  (You Only Live Once)

And I WANT to live LOUD. I want to live free of fear and "should".

I'm not there yet- but I'm working on it.  Here's a good reminder: 

It's My Life

This ain’t a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith-departed
I ain’t gonna be just a face in the crowd
You’re gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud

It’s my life
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I’m alive
It’s my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow’s getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain’t even lucky
Got to make your own breaks

It’s my life
And it’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I’m alive
'Cause it's my life

Better stand tall when they’re calling you out
Don’t bend, don’t break, baby, don’t back down

It’s my life
And it’s now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I’m alive

It’s my life
And it’s now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I’m alive
'Cause it's my life!

Keep Thou My Feet

A Sunday morning of pondering.

I woke up early and couldn't calm my mind.

So I went for a walk in the dawn.  It was beautiful and calming.  But coming home my mind was still unsettled.

And I keep thinking of this song.

So I'll share it with you.  I have always loved this song.

"Keep thou my feet, I do not ask to see the distant scene, one step enough for me."

I DO want to see the distant scene.  But for now I will trust in the NEXT right thing.

I have many friends whose hearts are hurting right now.  My heart is unsettled.  Trying to find my way in this life that is turning out different than I imagined.

I have to remind myself that different doesn't equal bad.

And to trust is My God.


 

Lyrics

1. 1. Lead, kindly Light, amid th'encircling gloom;
   Lead thou me on!
   The night is dark, and I am far from home;
   Lead thou me on!
   Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
   The distant scene--one step enough for me.
2. 2. I was not ever thus, nor pray'd that thou
   Shouldst lead me on.
   I loved to choose and see my path; but now,
   Lead thou me on!
   I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
   Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.
3. 3. So long thy pow'r hath blest me, sure it still
   Will lead me on
   O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
   The night is gone.
   And with the morn those angel faces smile,
   Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!
4. Text: John Henry Newman, 1801-1890
   Music: John B. Dykes, 1823-1876

Just Be Held

Found this song tonight.

I need it.

I'm so tired.

Tired of the mess, physically and emotionally.

I just want to be held.

Lyrics

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
Theres freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when youre on your knees and answers seem so far away
Youre not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
Im on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
Youll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
Youll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, youll understand
Im painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where youll find Me
And where you are, Ill hold your heart
Ill hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who wont let go

Enough Already!

And YOU are too! 

I was listening to Brene Brown's Daring Greatly this morning while I was cleaning the bathroom and something struck a chord with me.  I've heard it before but I had to stop and write it down on my dry-erase board in the dining room.  "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone. I am ENOUGH." The bathroom didn't get spotless.  The worst was cleaned and then I got distracted with other mothering duties.  And you know what? That's ok.  I'm enough.  

And you are too.

Gold

You were walking on the moon, now you're feeling low oh oh....

What they said wasn't true, you're beautiful...

Sticks and stones break your bones, I know what you're feeling

Words like those, won't steal your glow, you're one in a million

This is for all the girls, boys all over the world

Whatever you've been told, you're worth more than gold

So hold your head up high, it's your time to shine

From the inside out it shows, you're worth more than gold

(Gold, gold, oh yeah yeah Gold, gold)

You're worth more than gold

(Gold, gold, oh yeah yeah Gold, gold)

Well everybody keeps score, afraid you're gonna lose

Just ignore, they don't know the real you

All the rain in the sky, can't put out your fire

out of all the stars out tonight, you shine brighter!

This is for all the girls, boys all over the world

Whatever you've been told, you're worth more than gold

So hold your head up high, it's your time to shine

From the inside out it shows, you're worth more than gold

(Gold gold, oh yeah yeah Gold, gold)

You're worth more than gold

(Gold gold oh yeah yeah Gold, gold)

So don't let anybody tell you that you're not loved

And don't let anybody tell you that you're not enough

Yeah there are days when we all feel like we're messed up

But the truth is that we're all diamonds in the rough

So don't be ashamed to wear your crown

You're a king you're a queen inside and out

You glow like the moon, you shine like the stars

This is for you, wherever you - are.....

Yeah..... yeah, eh, yeah

You're gold

this is for all the girls, boys all over the world

Whatever you've been told, you're worth more than gold

(So hold your head) So hold your head up high,

It's your time to shine

From the inside out it shows, you're worth more than gold

(Gold gold, oh yeah yeah Gold, gold)

You're worth more than gold

(Gold gold oh yeah yeah Gold, gold)

So don't be ashamed to wear your crown

You're a king you're a queen inside and out...

Songwriters

Muckala, Daniel John / Nicole, Britt / Cates, Jess Clayton

Read more: Britt Nicole - Gold Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

Where Can I Turn for Peace?

My heart is heavy with many worries and burdens.  They may not always be worries or burdens but right now they are.  I feel weighed down.  I feel unrest.

My husband's journey is his own but it affects mine greatly.  I'm trying to figure out what all of that means.  It's difficult to sort.  It hurts to think about.  It's extremely exhausting.

There were tidbits of answers to prayers.

To know I'm not forgotten.

To salve my wounded heart.

This song came to mind for a friend this morning and has remained with me all day.  Looks like I needed it too.

The song begins at :35 seconds. The BYU women's choir sang this in honor of a soldier killed in the line of duty.

I know not everyone is into choral music.  But there is something about these women, these sisters joining together to ask "is there no balm in Gilead?" that touches my heart.

Maybe it will touch yours too.


Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.


Text: Emma Lou Thayne, b. 1924. (c) 1973 IRI
Music: Joleen G. Meredith, b. 1935. (c) 1973 IRI

Roar

ROAR!!! 

I love this song.  (Not a fan of Katy's music video- video killed the radio star.) But THIS version- ROCKS! I picture it every time I hear this song and it lifts me. 


[Verse 1]
I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

[Pre-Chorus]
You held me down, but I got up (hey)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, your hear that sound
Like thunder, gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up
Get ready cause I had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
Dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar

[Post-Chorus]
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (x3)
You’re gonna hear me roar

[Verse 2]
Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero

Anniversary

It's been a year.

Maybe that's part of why I'm feeling emotional.

(Of course it could be hormones, or the full moon, or the fact that my mom left today...)

One year (and a few days) I found out that I had been lied to.

Again.



In that year I have spiralled deeper into myself, started counseling and meds, found warrior sisters, told my story, gone to camp, journaled, cried, opened my heart, been brave, apologized, trusted, (been hurt- but who hasn't), questioned, listened, been kind to myself, connected, disconnected, learned (oh my goodness the learning!), taught, held hands, reached out, asked for help and so many other things.

It's been a long year.

A long journey.

There are more long moments and years ahead.

But I am PROUD of where I am today and I have HOPE that the future is also moving in the right direction.

Pack Light

I have a feed-my-soul trip coming up and the advice I was given was to "Pack Light". 

So I'm going to see what I can do in the way of packing light.

I am usually one who likes to pack like the woman in the second picture.

TOO MUCH STUFF. 

I have a hard time getting past the "what if" and not bringing the kitchen sink. 

This time- I'm taking it as it comes. 

Whatever that means. 

It's new for me.

But I'm excited at the sheer possibilities that can come from not being weighed down physically and emotionally with so much STUFF.

6 People and Lotteries

While contemplating who to share my story with I re-found this:




People Who Do NOT Deserve to Hear My Story: 

1.The friend who hears your story and feels shame for you.  She gasps and confirms how horrified you should be. Then there is awkward silence. Then you have to make *her* feel better.

2. The friend who responds with sympathy, "I feel so sorry for you," rather than empathy, "I get it. I feel you.  I've been there.  Wanna see a shame cyclone turn deadly throw one of these at it, "Oh you poor thing!" or the passive aggressive Southern version of sympathy, "Bless your heart!"

3.The friend who needs you to be the pillar of worthiness and authenticity.  She can't help because she's too disappointed in you.  You've let *her* down.

4.The friend who is so uncomfortable with vulnerability that she scolds, "How did you let this happen?"

5. The friend who is all about making it better and out of her own discomfort refuses to acknowledge that you can actually be crazy and make terrible choices. "You're exaggerating.  It wasn't that bad."

6. The friend who confuses connection with the opportunity to one-up you. "That's nothing! Listen to what happened to ME!"



"I'm looking for the person that loves me not despite my vulnerability and imperfection but because of it.  I'm looking for what I call my "move the body" friends. I'm looking for the folks who are going to show up and wade through the deep with me."

One or two in a lifetime and you're lucky.Two or three, LOTTERY.

Guess what?!

I think I've won the mega-all-time-superstar-lottery-of-the-galaxy! I love my Warrior Sisters who walk through all kinds of deep with me.  All at different levels.  And I am SO BLESSED!!


"You have to earn the right to hear MY story.  It's an HONOR to hold space for me when I'm in shame." 

(PS- I"m working on this myself- I'm still not there yet-- but I am so grateful for the opportunity to grow- When you know better you do better. Thank you Miss Maya.)

Roses

A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.

True.

But what about labels and the associations?

In the past I have identified myself as a WoPA: Wife of Porn Addict. 

Today I choose to identify myself as a Warrior Sister. 

Now, please don't think I'm judging anyone here.  I love my WoPA sisters.  

Here's the thing. 

Not everyone is a WoPA.  Not everyone is married.  Not everyone married is married to an addict- or maybe it's not an addiction to pornography.  I also feel a need to define myself AS MYSELF not in relation to anyone else.  (I realize "sister" is a relational term...stay with me here.)  

I want to define myself for who I am.  So who am I?  Am I the wife of a porn addict? Yes.  But my husband is so much more than just an addict.  He's a complex human being.  He's also learning how to be healthy. As am I.  I think the label Porn Addict is harsh.  Negative connotation.  I get the negative emotions associated. For now- it's an easy label.  But that's all about HIM.  What about Bob Me? 

I am a complex human being too.  I think we all are. 

Warrior= one who fights valiantly.  What am I fighting?  For my marriage.  For my health.  For the health of my family.  For hope.  For a brighter, healthier, richer future.  

Sister= a member of a sisterhood, which to say is an organization of women with a common interest (see warrior).  

I am a woman fighting for myself and others to be healthy and happy.  

This has always been a part of me.  

I'm glad I found it again.  

So if you read old posts- that's where I was then in the journey.  This is where I am now.  

And I am blessed beyond words for my sisters no matter what names they choose.  Blood and otherwise.  

History of Silence

I just found the Lyric video of Sara Bareilles's Brave.
Beautiful.
Hopeful.
Just what I need today.

Maybe you need it too.




The line that gets me today:
"And since your history of silence won't do you any good, did you think it would? Let your words be anything but empty- why don't you tell them the truth?"

Sisters: I've got my warrior jewels on and am leaning in.  Being brave.  I even asked a friend to help with the kids today.  I can do this.

Wish me luck.

What a piece of work is man

Professor M. would always start class with a quote from one of his two favorite people; Shakespear or himself.  His rich Indian accent, a knowing glint in his eye and a chuckle always accompanied his favorite sayings.  standing in front of the room with his sweater on and his brown balding head shining in the florescent lighting he would stand behind the lectern and offer up wisdom for us to ponder. "what a piece of work is man!"

Indeed. I think we often underestimate the power and beauty we possess. We look at our life and think, "What a mess!"

I am not an organized person by nature. I have piles where others might have labeled boxes. I do consider myself creative but not an artist. (An artist should know painting and proportions or something. I just make it up as I go.) My lack of organization and discipline to keep things today has sometimes been a point of shame and embarrassment.

But I'm tired of being ashamed. I'm tired of being embarrassed. I want to be REAL, piles and all. Because I believe God made me and i believe I have just as much potential for beauty as I do for mess.

I found this card the other day and gave it to my husband. I believe we are here to see what we can become, who we can create ourselves to be. There is power in deciding and doing that is not part of finding. (though i believe there is also substantial finding in the process).

What a piece of work is man!

Yes. A masterpiece.
Deep. Messy at times. And beautiful.
i needed to share those thoughts. Now I'm off to create myself.

Laying the past down behind me

Love Beside Me

I know now there's no one here to blame
I could but what good would that do
It wouldn't change a thing
So I grew accustomed to the shame
The sharp sting of your poison
Trying so hard to erase
All the good in me

If this is love beside me
I'm working on forgiveness
Laying the past down behind me
Letting go the ways that I've been hurt
Let the rivers rise and rage
I'll try and stand with grace

If everything is love

In the end the war had left us broken
Mourning all the things I'd lost
The debts I couldn't pay,
But I didn't want to disappear
I was caught in TV static
Sinking into grey
No more to give away

If this is love beside me
I'm working on forgiveness
Laying the past down behind me
Letting go the ways that I've been hurt
Let the rivers rise and rage
I'll try to stand with grace
If everything is love

If this is love beside me
I'm working on forgiveness
Laying the past down behind me
Letting go the ways that I've been hurt
Let the rivers rise and rage
I'll try to stand with grace

If this is love beside me
This is love beside me
This is love beside me

Songwriters
MATTHEW B MORRIS, SARAH ANN MCLACHLAN, TOM DOUGLAS

Published by
Lyrics © BMG PLATINUM SONGS